{"id":162,"date":"2026-06-06T21:19:50","date_gmt":"2026-06-06T21:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jmbask.com\/?p=162"},"modified":"2026-06-06T21:19:50","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T21:19:50","slug":"the-adhd-writer-diaries-may-29th-2026","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jmbask.com\/?p=162","title":{"rendered":"The ADHD Writer Diaries: May 29th, 2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

This post has been transcribed from handwritten.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not writer\u2019s block. It\u2019s ADHD. It\u2019s hormone deficiency. It\u2019s perimenopause. It\u2019s my brain either exhausted or wired, sludge at one time of the month, then running at full speed for a few days somewhere in the middle.<\/p>\n

EXCEPT-EXCEPT-EXCEPT-by the time I grasp that my mind is actually functioning and catch up with enough (chores, errands, responsibilities) to feel like I might be able to write with out all of those things nagging at the back of my mind, weaving in and out of the story I\u2019m trying to tell\u2014it\u2019s on the downswing again.<\/p>\n

As I write this, the back of my brain is literally chanting, \u201cI bought this green pen at a dollar store in the mountains.\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe I should<\/em> try to write with music, find some lofi wordless hum, but then I worry that my ADHD brain would want to [stares off into space for a full minute] spend a bunch of time picking out the \u2018perfect\u2019 music to write to {my perimenopausal brain keeps wanting to spell \u2018write\u2019 as \u2018right\u2019 and it\u2019s pissing me off}.<\/p>\n

I love that I have an answer for the reason I lose interest in writing projects and interrupt people and [stares off into space again] have to put my keys and wallet in my purse and always hang my purse here<\/em> {mental picture of the black hook on the coat closet door} or I\u2019ll lose it.<\/p>\n

I hate that there was a slim to none chance of me being diagnosed sooner.<\/p>\n

I despise that I cannot tell my mom this diagnosis because she\u2019ll say \u2018no you don\u2019t\/it doesn\u2019t exist\/you were just a weird kid\/I hope you\u2019re not taking those stimulants.\u2019<\/p>\n

I loathe that all the stories I started and never finished were probably because my brain was done getting dopamine from them. {Here\u2019s looking at you, all the Nanowrimos I \u2018won\u2019 by getting to the 50k word deadline, only to quit writing, mid-story somewhere between 50,000 and 51,000.<\/p>\n

–I\u2019m using synonyms to work on by brain power\u2014<\/p>\n

I\u2019m scared I\u2019ll never write again because there is no deadline\/deadlines I give myself aren\u2019t good enough to make the brain go\/I can\u2019t get someone else to give me a deadline (publisher agent professional0 without proving first I\u2019m good enough to deserve a deadline.<\/p>\n

I know all my short stories are novels waiting to happen.<\/p>\n

Should I write more short stories? Should I rewrite my goblin novel and make it more horror? Should I just keep writing it as-is, even though it doesn\u2019t feel write<\/span> (goddamnit) right to me, tone-wise? {I love<\/em> the concept}. Should I just give up and lay down and say I wrote a bunch of short stories and a first draft of a novel and got published a few times and just give up?!<\/p>\n

I DON\u2019T WANT TO GIVE UP. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>What I want is for some semi-successful writer I admire\u2014someone I would feel beholden to through sheer admiration\u2014to magically appear and give me a deadline and a minimum word count and agree to read a chapter if I make it all the way through writing a whole novel.<\/p>\n

I want to not have ADHD.<\/p>\n

But, if I didn\u2019t have ADHD, would my brain make the what-ifs that have allowed me to tell so many wonderful stories {if only mostly to myself}.<\/p>\n

[stares off into space, then back at the notebook, then\u2014you get it]<\/p>\n

I slept from eleven-thirty last night until six-thirty am, and then took a nap from eight forty-five a.m. to ten a.m. and then drank coffee and cola and it\u2019s close to eight in the evening now and I\u2019m tired. So tired.<\/p>\n

If stimulants allow me to focus and write, I don\u2019t care if there is an evening crash. My brain already has them anyway.<\/p>\n

{This\u2014being ADHD\u2014explains the late nights I spent most of my life having [Hey did you know I taught myself to tell stories in my head and\/or listen to the background music in my skull\u2014Radio JMFM\u2014rather than my racing throught in order to fall asleep at a decent time?]}<\/p>\n

I hate when I get the words wrong now. It feels like time is ticking down to when perimenopause\/menopause or dementia or old age are going to steal my prized words [mental picture of Gollum in the cave with the ring].<\/p>\n

Precious, not prized. My precious words.<\/p>\n

I write this like my brain thinks.<\/p>\n

I wonder if anyone would want to read it\/if I should transcribe it.<\/p>\n

The act of physically writing + listening to the cat\u2019s drinking fountain has kept my brain busy {calm?} enough to focus.<\/p>\n

I wonder how long after I stop until the music kicks back in\u2014<\/p>\n

–ope, there she goes [strains of \u201cMy Name is Jonas\u201d by Weezer play from the backrooms of JM\u2019s skull].<\/p>\n

FIN<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This post has been transcribed from handwritten.\u00a0 It\u2019s not writer\u2019s block. It\u2019s ADHD. It\u2019s hormone deficiency. It\u2019s perimenopause. It\u2019s my brain either exhausted or wired, sludge at one time of the month, then running at full speed for a few days somewhere in the middle. EXCEPT-EXCEPT-EXCEPT-by the time I grasp that my mind is actually […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[55,6],"class_list":["post-162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-adhd","tag-writing","post-preview"],"yoast_head":"\nThe ADHD Writer Diaries: May 29th, 2026 - J.M. 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